So, I know that I don’t really open up about the kind of person I really am. I haven’t done many posts that allow people to get to know me. I thought this would be a good opportunity for me to express my interests. (Not that anyone cares). It is one of the things that I just felt like breaking down today. I mean, I have noticed in the recent weeks, I have noticed that I have been heading in one of my downward spirals emotionally. When I start to notice these changes, my mind and body automatically start to recognize the symptoms. Once I do, these are the five things that really help me keep going until I am stable again.
Number 1: Dancing
Dancing is my go to activity. I have been dancing since I was 5 years old. I have done every style of dance imaginable. I learned tap, jazz, and hip-hop at my dance studio. I also taught myself ballet.This has always been my go to when I get stressed out or upset. My heart has always been with dance. Throughout high school, I was on the dance team, went to the studio as well as teaching at the studio. My entire day revolved around dancing. Getting up in the morning, going to school for practice. Then after school, heading to the studio. Between teaching and my classes, I was usually there until about 9pm. Every week day. Then that didn’t include games and competitions on the weekends. I think the point I am trying to make is that my life has revolved around dance for a very long time. Now days, I spend between 3 and 4 hours dancing, whether it is creating my own choreography or learning a new kpop dance. A lot of times, it is the core thing that gets me through the day.
Number 2: Kpop
Really, I think that my kpop goes hand in hand with my dancing. The thing here is that I exclusively listen to kpop anymore. I have a playlist of English music, but I don’t think I listen to it anymore. I can’t. Any time that I try to, it just makes me feel so much worse. The music that I listen to, connects to memories that create more emotional issues. I find myself crying constantly at every other song. So, I just made everything simple and I just quit listening to it. Which in a way sucks because I can’t even listen to my favorite band anymore. Every song that comes on brings a memory so vivid, I just can’t handle it. I guess we can just say I am an overly emotional person. So, instead I have exclusively been listening to kpop. Like I said, I think it goes hand and hand with dancing. Because of course, when any song that I know the dance to comes on, I automatically get up and start dancing. I am daily trying to learn new dances. Even when I am just cleaning up around the house, I turn on the music to keep me company.
Number 3: Asian Dramas
Asian dramas are one of the ways that I know I am heading in a downward spiral. I will find myself just binge watching tv, days on end. I don’t ever want to do anything else. Now, with that being said, the dramas really help me escape the reality of my depression. While it is not good for me to sit and dwell on everything, the dramas help me more with the emotional outlet aspect of everything. I think that because I have become so sensitive, watching these dramas allows me to put myself in someone else’s shoes for a while. It’s not that I want to escape my life, but I always find that it is better to be empathetic. I think that these dramas have given me a door to become a more empathetic person. I don’t know how to really explain it, but they do help me get through my really tough times.
Number 4: Writing
I never really was a good writing. It was definitely never a strong point of mine. However, recently, I have really found myself using writing as an outlet of everything. I think it really started after I decided to write a story based on a dream I had. In a way, it felt like I was reading a book. I love reading, so I thought I would just try my hand at it. Then next thing I knew an hour had passed. Then all I could think about was when I could write next. I think that is how I have managed to stay on track all week. I just couldn’t shut my mind up. I think it has become another way for me to express my emotions, or just shut them out. Whatever I am feeling like doing at that time.
Number 5: Dungeons and Dragons
This really goes hand in hand with writing as well. Dungeons and Dragons allows me to write stories (as I am a DM). When I am not DMing, I get to just have fun and let loose and make up my own story with my family. I am a very family oriented person. So, when we all get together on Friday to play our weekly session of D&D, it really helps me put things back into perspective. I don’t have to feel the loneliness I feel on a weekly basis. I can just sit around the table and enjoy the company. It’s also a great stress reliever because I can yell and laugh whenever I want. I can be whatever I want. I’m so glad that my brother and husband talked me into playing.